Leaving the Scene -- Part I, The Saga Begins

I have been riding motorcycles more than 45 years. I have had some close calls, but mostly I ride defensively, and until now I always managed to get out of the way pretty much unscathed. Somehow I thought that if some moron tried to run over me, getting out of the way would be a good thing, but apparently it doesn't entirely work that way.

A woman in an SUV, we'll use the term woman for the sake of propriety, swerved into my lane and ran clear up against my arm before I was able to accelerate enough to get ahead of her. The bike never touched the truck, nothing but my arm brushing by it. Wishing her long life and happiness, but pleased with my escape,  I continued on my way. An hour later a Seminole County Deputy turned up at my house. The bike was sitting where it always sits in my driveway. He looked it over, said he couldn't find any damage, and told me to call the Maitland police.

Somewhat mystified, I called them and found out the woman in the SUV pulled over and reported a hit and run, claiming the motorcycle ran up the shoulder of the road and smashed in the side of her truck. I asked them if they wanted me to come back immediately, but they said no, just call them in the morning.

I called in the morning and Maitland's finest policewoman came over to look at the bike.  She asked me for proof of insurance. I said I was wearing a helmet. She gave me a little lecture about motor vehicles in Florida requiring insurance. I replied that I seriously did not realize that. I could see little to be gained at that point by arguing with her. She took pictures of the mirror on my bike and asked me if I had come in contact with the truck in any way.

Like the idiot I didn't realize I was, I replied that the truck ran up against my arm. She took my license and gave me a ticket for leaving the scene of an accident. When she called in the ticket, she also reported that I had no motorcycle endorsement. I couldn't see much use in arguing with that either, but they must have cooled her jets on the insurance. When she gave me my license back she informed me that motorcyles did not require insurance if the rider wears a helmet. I thanked her for the clarification. She said to call her if I had any questions and to have a nice day.

I admit, by then I wasn't quite as into the nice day as she was. I had a few questions, but not that I was going to state in front of anyone less understanding than my friend Dan. I immediately called a lawyer. He said I didn't have to do anything until the court date on the tickdet. He would take a look at it as soon as the police report came out. When I got a copy of the police report I took it to the lawyer.

He looked up the case on the Orange County Court internet query system and said there was no record of it yet. Usually that would mean they did not consider it worth pursuing. He would check it again in a week. It might go away.

A week later it turned up in the system with an expired appearance date. He didn't know what that meant. He called the court. The appearance date on the ticket was wrong. Orange County usually schedules appearance dates in the week of the offense. Now I had failed to appear at my arraignment, so I immediately signed up with the attorney. He said he would take care of it. I hope he knows some things I don't. I already went that way once with George Bush.
I see how this works. You get a motorcycle license number. Then you try to run it off the road. What are they going to do? If it was a guy, they might kick your ass, but probably not some spacey chick. If they stop, you just keep going. If anybody asks, you never saw them. Who wouldn't believe it? If they do anything defensive, you claim they came out of nowhere and hit your truck. If they don't hang around, you can report them as a hit and run. What's the worst that can happen to you? They say they don't know anything about it, and it doesn't cost you anything. Nice scam.

Well, we'll see. It ain't over til the wheels fall off and the engines siezes up. Then it's back to the shop. I have a couple thousand dollars my Mom left me when she died in October. That isn't much, but I'd rather pay for defense than for a half-assessd crash claim. Stay with me.

Bad Heel Inside a Shoe

I thought I had such a brilliant idea for changing the size of jeans by moving the waist button, until I found a set of replacement buttons at Target or someplace to do exactly that for about fifteen bucks. The only consolation is that I got the jeans for six dollars a pair, and moving the button doesn't cost anything except time, so at least you have options. Replace the button or move it, but forget that. I'll do shoe remodeling instead.

Ever get a pair of shoes, especially athletic shoes, with a heel that either slips up and down or has an uncomfortable spot in it because it doesn't fit quite right? The short version is to cut out a piece of the fabric liner where the heel is bad. If the liner is leather, you don't have to mess with it. Squeeze a big glob of silicon rubber into the heel over the bad spot. Cover the silicon rubber with a generous piece of plastic wrap and step into the shoe so that your heel presses down into the silicon rubber. Rock your heel around a little bit to make sure you have your foot positioned comfortably in the shoe, then stand still for a minute or so. After that you can carefully take your foot out of the shoe, leaving the silicone rubber covered with plastic in the shape of your heel. Let it dry overnight.

When the silicone has dried, you can peel the plastic wrap off and you will have a perfectly fitted heel for your shoe. The silicone rubber sticks to the fabric and padding in the shoe and creates a more comfortable, more firm, and less slippery surface than leather or the synthetic fabrics used to line shoes.

You can use automotive silicone, but it's kind of expensive. Construction silicone for caulking behaves pretty much the same and costs a lot less for the quantity. I recommend clear, and make sure you get the silicone rubber type, such as GE, not a latex caulk with a silicone additive, or you will end up with just an annoying mess in your shoe.

Make tracks.
Cosmo

Adventures in Honda Motorcycle Spark Ignitors

My intimate relationship with motorcycle spark ignitors began with a 1982 Honda CB900F that was 25 years old when I got it and probably one of the first years for electronic bike ignition. Supposedly it had 12,000 miles on it, which was a total croque, but it wasn't smoking or knocking and the trans was good, so I took it. I found out later somebody had cracked into the odometer, but that's another story. On the whole, I was lucky. I rode it frequently for about two years without problems. Then one day I came out from work and it only started on two cylinders.

It was easy enough to figure out that the other two cylinders had no spark by pulling one of the plug wires. I knew from changing plugs that it has a dual system with two coils and two ignitors, two cylinders on each. It wasn't likely plugs, since they were new. Fortunately, since it was running on two cylinders, it was also easy to figure out where the problem was by switching the coil and ignitor connections. The coils made no difference, but switching the ignitor leads also switched the running cylinders. (The ignitors were actually off a 750 Magna, also a good thing in a way, because the Magna ignitors are made with a printed board in an open plastic case. Some OEM ignitors are in an aluminum case filled with cast resin, which makes the inside pretty hard to do anything with.)

When I looked at the ignitors in the bike, I realized they were only really connected by three wires (five connections, but two branched off the same leads), which I figured were probably power, circuit, and ground. The general idea of electronic controls is to manage engine operation by changing timing and spark settings, so it occurred to me to wonder if most of the ignitor insides were really absolutely essential to run the engine. If I could by-pass the non-functioning parts of the ignitor, would it run, just not as well?

I had to either jump the wire connections directly, which seemed like asking for a dead short in the system, or try to connect the terminals in the ignitor that matched the wiring. The biggest risk from the terminals in the ignitor would be to the ignitor itself, which was already dysfunctional anyway, so I wouldn't be any worse off.

I pried the plastic case apart with my pocket knife and got the circuit board out where I could set the jaws of needle-nose pliers on the connections. I looked for power-in and the primary circuit connection, which I have no idea if I found, but on the second try there was a spark and I'll be damned if the other two cylinders didn't kick in. It ran perfectly all the way home, where I parked it until I got a set of OEM ignitors online from Zanotti in PA. After that I ran it for about six more months with the new ignitors in my pocket before I finally got around to actually installing them.

I cannot provide a plausible scientific or technical explanation for this phenomenon. Did I succeed in bypassing the main components of the ignitor, or did I simply manage to juke an obstinate resistor or bad connection into operation? I have no idea.

The displaced Magna ignitors lived in a box somewhere for a couple of years after I moved on to an 84 VF1100S Sabre, with a likewise dysfunctional odometer and likewise gawd knows how many miles. This time I didn't get stuck at work, but one day when I came out to start the bike in the morning after it had been sitting awhile, same routine. For no apparent reason, two cylinders gone. Moisture? Temperature? Corrosion? I'd like to know how these things go from working fine to dead the next time without anything in between. At least with mechanical points and voltage regulators you usually got some warning.

The VF1100 Sabre (VF110S) V-four has the same engine as the VF1100 Magna (VF1100C), referred to in cubic inches as the V65, manufactured mostly between 1983 and 1986, also closely related to the 750 Sabres and Magnas. The systems on the Sabre/Magna 700s and 500s seem to be different from the 1100s and 750s, although the electrical connections on the ignitors are the same for all of them and for the CBs as well. The ignitors for the 1100s and 750s are very similar, and I tried the same routine with the connections, but my luck didn't hold up this time, so I dragged out the old 750 ignitors from the CB. The same one I operated on in the business parking lot worked perfectly while I looked for an 1100 replacement on ebay.

There are still new ones around for a hundred and fifty or so, but I'm reluctant to put much money into a bike with a doubtful life expectancy, so I was looking for something used, more in the neighborhood of twenty-five. Generally they run fifty to a hundred, but twenty-five is doable if you stay on it for a few days. Some people sell low and move stuff quick instead of holding out for a higher price, but you have to track them and be ready to buy.

Sometimes you can also get a pair for fifty to a hundred, although they are generally higher. It may pay to search under igniter, ECU, spark box, and black box, as well as ignitor, for the VF1100, VF1100S and VF1100C, Sabre, Magna, VF750, V65, and V45. V40 is the VF700. I have seen usable ignitors listed under all of those and even some combinations. Searching for Sabre VF1100S ignitor may get different results than Sabre VF1100 ignitor, for instance, and spacing, such as “VF 1100 S” instead of “VF1100S” can turn up something else, although it shouldn't. “Sabre” can also be listed as “Saber,” and some of the people listing used parts on ebay have their own ideas about spelling, such as “Mangna.” (A cartoon motorcycle?)

In the VF1100S the two ignitors are identical except that the one in the bigger box has the rev limiter circuit in it. The bikes run just as well on two of the smaller ones as they do on one of each, maybe better, and the smaller ones are generally cheaper. If I had a new Hayabusa with nitro or a Harley glider, I might worry about over-rev, but on a twenty-five year old bike with more miles than a moon-lander, I would consider it an honor to blow out an engine at fourteen or fifteen thousand RPM, which may not be such a stretch of the imagination.

I have buried the tachometer in fourth gear, but not in fifth or sixth, although I'm tempted. The bike red lines at ten, and theoretically 12K, the top of the red zone, would be about 175 MPH in sixth. 3K beyond red would add another 15 MPH, but on the other hand, would I want to risk throwing a rod at upwards of 200 MPH and 15K RPM on a rolling dinosaur? Maybe not. The practical potential for 190 MPH on an old 1100 is probably sheer fantasy anyway. I've never seen an actual test speed much over 150 for these bikes, although that was for a quarter mile, not an all-out,
 top-end assault. Dream on.

Back to the reality side of ignitors, there are a few more items that might be useful to somebody with these problems. I bought a cheap used ignitor for a VF500 as a temporary replacement ($12 plus $5 shipping), mostly just to see if it would work in the VF1100, which it does, but not very well. I have no way to test the unit otherwise, so I don't know if the problem is incompatibility or a bad ignitor, but it was guaranteed good, so I suspect the VF500 ignitors just don't work well for the bigger bikes. I keep it for emergencies.

A known-good ignitor from a 250 Rebel twin did not work at all in the 1100. I also have never seen a cross-reference either official or unofficial indicating that the VF700 will work for the VF1100. The VF700s are kind of odd anyway, although as I mentioned, the connectors are the same for all of them. I do know that the VF750 works in the CB900, but they don't seem to be completely interchangeable. The new OEM CB900 did not work well in the VF1100, even though the VF750 works in both. Go figure.

The VF750 ignitors also seem to be more expensive. I don't know if there are fewer of them around, but I had better luck finding VF1100 ignitors. Parts can be cross-referenced at Bike Bandit (bikebandit.com), although the system runs pretty freakin' slow sometimes and there is no way to know if a one-digit difference in a part number is critical or not. Bike Bandit also has pretty good prices on tires and such, but their OEM parts are steep for my budget.

So now get your carcass out there and take something apart.

Spray Foam Off

Spray Foam Off


This is too good to keep to myself. You know that Great Stuff spray-foam that you can use for everything from filling cracks to making costumes, but it's terminally sticky, and the directions say there's no way to get it off? I leaned up against some of it in a new pair of shorts that immediately became a rather stiff pair of grungy work shorts.



A couple of weeks later I wore the shorts while I used aerosol stripper on a painted wooden tray, and I splattered stripper on the shorts. The stripper ate holes in the hardened foam, so I figured what the hell? I just sprayed more stripper on the shorts and used steel wool to scrape off the thickest foam. The rest of it I wiped off with a clean rag and a few more blasts of stripper. The shorts aren't perfect, but there's hardly any foam left in the fabric.



I wouldn't recommend it from a medical point of view, but a little stripper on a paper towel will take it off of skin in a flash. Up until this, I've always gone around wearing it until it peeled off. Klean-strip aerosol stripper. Works, and they aren't even paying me. Hmmm, maybe I should give that some thought.

Loose Plugs

I had a friend who for various reasons became very concerned about saving money and complained constantly that expenses and prices were out of control. When his car started running strangely and a tune-up was unavoidable, he contemplated the occasion with the attitude of a prisoner condemned to execution. “I can't afford a hundred dollars,” he wailed, so I suggested that he do what I do. Change your own damn spark plugs.

Although he didn't have much mechanical experience, he had some tools, and the idea that changing spark plugs would be within his capabilities intrigued him. He bought spark plugs and discovered to his frugal delight that a whole set barely cost ten dollars, in theory the only expense involved. “Just make sure you don't get them too tight,” I warned him.

He was also pleasantly surprised to find that he was able to remove and replace the spark plugs in a short time, and the problems with the car were cured. A couple of weeks later, however, things went bad again. I looked at the engine with him. We couldn't find anything abnormal. The spark was good. The wires were secure. “I don't know what to do, I said finally, “except wait until it gets bad enough to tell what the problem is,” my usual solution, for better or worse, of non-critical malfunctions that cannot be diagnosed.

About a week later he came by to tell me the problem had been fixed. His wife was on her way to work when the car suddenly lost power and she barely managed to coax it into a service center. A mechanic checked the car and quickly determined that one of the spark plugs had worked loose from it's operating position in the block. Short one cylinder, the engine was not running very well. They put the plug back where it belonged and charged her 60 dollars.

I consider it a learning experience. My friend refuses to ever work on his car again, but at least he stopped complaining about the cost of service. I suppose the moral to the story is to only do yourself what you can afford to pay for or that you know you can fix, or both. Either that or get friends who don't make mistakes. Unlike him, however, having learned things the hard way, I don't intend to give up now.